you are DEFINITELY onto something here...
It seems like you tried to make the song too complex and stuff. But when you later on make more songs, try going to youtube and finding out how to use the mixer and automations. Yes, the first time I heard this I was sooo confused haha.
Back on topic: Try not make it so repetitive. Nice melody you got in there those. Choose a better bass synth that doesn't sound distorted, or just add another background sound to it. Basically remaster it. This was ALOT better than my first song. It's too horrible to be on NG. I would have been lucky to get a 3 with my first song. Keep working on your skills and you could become really good someday! Because you definitely seem to be onto something here.
Do you mind checking out some of my techno music? I give you the knighthood honor of doing your FIRST music review on one of my songs! haha. =)